January 14, 2022 was the worst day of my life, of all our – Sam’s, Ducky’s, and my brother’s – lives. And, to be honest, the first day of the worst year of my life. It was the day my sweet Bogie got his angel wings. And it was the day that my sweet Ducky’s heart broke irreparably. That sweet, loving, adorable boy. Just thinking about how it happened still brings a flood of tears – the bitter part of my memories. All I can do is thank God for allowing Sam and me to be his human parents and Ducky to be his “big sister” for his short life.
I will always miss this boy. He loved snuggling with me, and I loved snuggling with him. Bogie was the reason why I decided to get another “baby brother” for Ducky as soon as I could, which leads me to the sweet part of my memories…
A few days after Bogie got his wings, I called our friend and Bogie’s “Grandpa Chuck” and told him “I want another baby brother for Ducky. I’ll send you a check tomorrow.” Even though Ducky’s broken heart earned her her own angel wings a month later, I knew she would pick the perfect puppy for us. And she did….
This adorable little smudge muzzle was born on March 17, 2022 but even before then he became my sunshine boy. Sam’s dementia took nearly total control of him after Ducky got her wings; and the only thing I felt I had to smile about was knowing I would soon have another puppy to love on and be loved by. So Zen became my sunshine. When he was born, I decided his Gotcha Day would have to be on the monthly anniversary of Bogie’s passing. I needed a happy event to balance the tragic one. So Sam and I brought Zen home on May 14th.
After Ducky passed, I knew Zen would eventually need a playmate, and I wanted another girl. At first I wasn’t sure I could deal with two puppies and Sam. I kept wondering out loud if I had lost my marbles somewhere along the way. But Zen was such an easy puppy once Sam was admitted to the hospital, that I stopped wondering. Shortly after Sam was admitted to the hospital, Bogie’s mama, Bailey, was mated with his daddy’s brother so I knew the chances of getting a female version of my Bogie were pretty darn good. And the chances of her being exactly six months younger than Zen were good, too. It turned out to be six months and a day, but that’s close enough. So the second sweet part of my memories came into my life….
Look at that foot in the water bowl! To this day, she thinks water is for more than just drinking, just like Bogie! And Zoey’s Gotcha Day became November 14th, exactly six months after Zen, and ten months after us losing her older genetic brother. And, oh my doG, does she ever remind me of Bogie! She looks just like him and she acts just like him. She is a snuggle bunny just like Bogie was; and she’s sassy with Zen like Bogie was with Ducky.
So, as bitter as the memories are of losing sweet Bogie that awful day two years ago, at least his younger cousin and sister provide me with extra sweet memories for counterbalance. And truthfully Bogie’s not gone. He’s here every day, along with Ducky and their human daddy. I just can’t see him or love on him.
in my heart 4ever 
I did reply to this but it seems to have vanished into space. Sorry.
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Help me out a little…do you have a blog I might recognize?
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Yes and we have been exchanging comments for a long time. Edgar 62 and if it helps I am Benji’s human..
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OH! Okay! NOW I recognize you! I’m so sorry! Things have been a bit chaotic around here; and sometimes I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I know you understand that feeling. I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to read your posts lately…I think I missed 2 of them. Maybe things will settle down here a little bit now that my brother is going home tomorrow (after a month-long Christmas/NY’s visit).
You mentioned that you tried to comment on this post of mine and it got blown away. I think that happened to me on your blog a few times.
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Yes, things have been a tad hectic here too of late with Annabell being moved to different hospitals.. She is currently about 74 miles away from here. There is no place available locally. She is in a place called Quorn and visiting her is a 150 mile round trip and about three times a week is about as much as I can manage. She is still out of things, so she sleeps I sit and read a book.
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The “Like” button seems so inappropriate in this situation…I wish WP would offer a “care” emoticon like FB does.
Bless your hearts. Do the doctors even offer a prognosis at this point? I’ve got you both – and Benji – on my prayer list constantly. I empathize with what you’re going through, having been through similar with Sam. Of course I didn’t have that 150-mile round trip to the hospital and back; but just going to see him on his worst days took a toll on me physically as well as emotionally. All I can say is make sure you take care of yourself so you can continue to take care of Benji as well. If necessary, cut back on those round trips to twice a week once a month.
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I so remember that horrible day, it was totally heart crushing for all of us. Your sweet pups that you have now are so adorable and they love you with all their hearts. Hugs from all of us here.
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I feel the hugs, thank you!!
The outpouring of love and sympathy that day from so many people that I’ve only “met” online was amazing. It truly helped ease the pain. Poor Ducky was in shock for a few days, I think. She kept looking for Bogie; and the sadness in her eyes broke my heart all over again each time she looked at me as if to ask where her baby brother was. I really think it was losing him that weakened her heart to the point where she couldn’t fight the chronic stress any more. My poor girl. But they’re together, waiting with their sisters and brother and Sam for me to join them. And they picked out the perfect two pups for me. And I love them with all my heart, too.
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I think those sudden tragic deaths are the toughest to take, but all we can do is what we can to heal our hearts as much as they can be healed….I’m so glad you have new loves to help you with that.
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I agree 100%! And while Ducky’s passing wasn’t tragic, it was certainly sudden and unexpected; but at least she went the way I’m sure she wanted to: here at home surrounded by the people she loved best and who loved – and always will love her – in a nice, warm house. There was no way I would have subjected her to the stress of having to wait in the cold car outside the ER vet clinic for 5 HOURS (that was the wait time when I called)! I didn’t know/realize how ill she really was at that point; but even if I had, I would not have subjected her to that. Once the initial shock wore off, I knew my girl would send me the puppy I would need. And she did, twice. 💚💜 I see bits and pieces of her larger-than-life personality in Zen all the time; and I see Bogie in Zoey. She truly is the female version of her older brother. The only difference being her fur is still a lighter gold color than his was. And between the two of them, I am healing. And being free of Sam’s demons really helps me heal, too. At least I know he’s whole again and that the real Sam is watching over me alongside our furry angels.
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Sending gentle and tender thoughts of comfort and celebration as you commemorate this day. Hugs and tail wags to you and your furry kiddos, both here and at the Rainbow Bridge. 💙
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Big healing hugs. I know how you feel.
Have a fabulous day and week. ♥
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I wish we could erase such days… they bring all the tears back as if it was yesterday… it seems they belong to us forever and ever… hugs to you…
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I’m with you there, 100%! Hugs back my friend!! And slobbery puppy kisses from the Z Kids.
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Such beautiful pups to help you ease the pain of those hard losses.
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Thank you!!
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Bittersweet the memories certainly are, but they are certainly keeping your loved ones near you .
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